tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53627711449146151792024-03-12T16:45:07.720-07:00Lord Malachai, Pagan BaristaTodd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-53936445179371561292010-10-12T11:11:00.000-07:002020-07-09T23:45:27.801-07:00MeMoRIeS gone awry!!!Being the will of one Lord Malachai<br />
--Wisconsin Prince of Darkness--<br />
--Lord of All Wisconsin fairy Folk--<br />
--Pagan Barista--<br />
--Morbid tongue of the wolf--<br />
<br />
In case I die. oR live!!! I should dsay, since one wll never kill that which has touched the frozen lips of deathâ„¢ <br />
here is alist of my wishes. Posessions. Curses. and burial requirements.<br />
<br />
1) my body shall be placed inside a frshly slain wolf, and left alone in the fields of Wisconsin.<br />
<br />
2) you shall not spit on the grave of the fallen<br />
<br />
3) No DaDs at the FuNeRaL!!!!!<br />
<br />
4) I will be buried in november. No MATTER when I die.<br />
<br />
5) my copy of You've Got Mail will go to the highest bidder. Place the money n my grave.<br />
<br />
6) Tony (my boss) has to serve everyone Starbucks Perfect opatmeal and pumpkin sipce lattes.<br />
<br />
&) Chrisninda, the Eatern Wisconsin Starbucks Reginoal Manager has to name a new drnk the Creamsicle Latte. It's madewith 3 bags of orange tea; half a up of heavy cream; and half a cup of latte.<br />
<br />
8) the greving will require bagpipe and cello.<br />
<br />
*) the following poem wil be read BY MY DADDDD, over the phone, to the masses gathered:<br />
<br />
do not fret<br />
do not wallow<br />
they bodies waste<br />
in harvests swallow<br />
<br />
the cold wind blows<br />
upon cheeks flocked<br />
with blue color colder<br />
the gardens never bloom <br />
nevermore<br />
they'll grow no older<br />
<br />
the sun sets<br />
the SON sets<br />
I should have been<br />
a better father<br />
<br />
-The L:o:r:d of Orange CreamTodd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-72398726408844972262010-09-29T11:30:00.000-07:002010-09-29T15:14:37.450-07:00Forlorn-i-fi-cationDear dEnIzEns of the Space Between<br />(and no, i am not tlakign bAout the FUCKING DAVE MATTHEerWS SONG, eLIZA!<br /><br />Tomorow AT work itS my turn to draw on the chalkboard. Tony saidf THAT wasn't a good idea, but our reginal manager chrisinda said everyone gets a turn. SO FUCK YOU, TON Y!<br />Stop trying to hold back the darkness!<br /><br />I spent theree hours on my dad's IPAD, trying to desing something that rteally captured--no, that really haunted the viwer upon first glance. Chrsinda said just amke sure to advertise Starbucks new breakfast rolls, and that ic an draw anythign I want. REMEMBER SALLOW ONES...THESE ARE ROUGH. DRAFTS. I 'M SURE they wl look much better with chalk instead of fingers.<br /><br />This onei is called Breakfast with the devil:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhykT4KMMXzNdsV-jaOD0J2tf-OgUNYTShiyhZ1pVMlfTvnGFJtapGFUiXpwTpkRU2ut3l_t7JZOG-7ZtyuB_jkldkMrIvdejy4Y9E3KLsHZTY_bVsBIATy-4QPqQkS446S8ZVkJhOQEvzV/s1600/1.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhykT4KMMXzNdsV-jaOD0J2tf-OgUNYTShiyhZ1pVMlfTvnGFJtapGFUiXpwTpkRU2ut3l_t7JZOG-7ZtyuB_jkldkMrIvdejy4Y9E3KLsHZTY_bVsBIATy-4QPqQkS446S8ZVkJhOQEvzV/s320/1.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522461052526667666" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />this is entitled Gaunt of toung and limb:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFU2h9rvdZKf6d5hznkzhO0ePKYA6zKkySVLHqNj_HM_kxCye-JJubDSjuQFBsJRNiP-XoynubxNNdecI2DFkA62wC7alKUt_5D-uunuKrEfwMTo1j9569rMTOhJ9xmrYe6VP00LejeRTi/s1600/3.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFU2h9rvdZKf6d5hznkzhO0ePKYA6zKkySVLHqNj_HM_kxCye-JJubDSjuQFBsJRNiP-XoynubxNNdecI2DFkA62wC7alKUt_5D-uunuKrEfwMTo1j9569rMTOhJ9xmrYe6VP00LejeRTi/s320/3.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522461302397975490" border="0" /></a><br /><br />this one is based off a song i wrote, and its called: "Someone cget a hungry Frog, Cause I'm flyin' off this buildn'"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO6BOv4fh-sSdItlAGAxu4XsY6EErszBdYwg1sXFjk2KhhXr9_J8CPDhUXWqbytkskdkQN7UhxrreuFEpuzX44d6Qla2ThCTG0Q0-UaqRSwVxsp_CXyj-bfViMTZQDWmTnEKYT2mYTVrNC/s1600/2.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO6BOv4fh-sSdItlAGAxu4XsY6EErszBdYwg1sXFjk2KhhXr9_J8CPDhUXWqbytkskdkQN7UhxrreuFEpuzX44d6Qla2ThCTG0Q0-UaqRSwVxsp_CXyj-bfViMTZQDWmTnEKYT2mYTVrNC/s320/2.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522461169030066642" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />and finally, as a SAFETY design... because i fucking KNOW Tony, and if his KACKI FUCKING PANTS ARE ANY signal..., he is NOT open expressions of the soul..<br />So this ones called "dark meat inside"...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCvCTZ45eumx1RNYsytLhWmFwYEX2jU50fdW-LO5TVFXX57-XSjsXqIVMOMVLaQ6nnc0X4ZCphqdRO63tiB3p-coJrokwK7Mn9uK89O9k7TlX_-3SO0Hnr5LttofO0-qELlkJaFEMKW_wJ/s1600/NEW+4.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCvCTZ45eumx1RNYsytLhWmFwYEX2jU50fdW-LO5TVFXX57-XSjsXqIVMOMVLaQ6nnc0X4ZCphqdRO63tiB3p-coJrokwK7Mn9uK89O9k7TlX_-3SO0Hnr5LttofO0-qELlkJaFEMKW_wJ/s320/NEW+4.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522462349804538114" /></a><br /><br />So come by the store tomorrow, and check out the danger!<br />-X0x0<br />(death and screaming, nt hugs ans k,isees)Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-28002881931759293152010-09-20T13:59:00.000-07:002010-09-20T14:34:29.699-07:00Shadow SquandorGreetings dead gods, screamers of the night, and my friend Cathy<br /><br />Todaty at work I found a crack in the bathroom...I told Tony it was probably the darkness, and he was like "yea most cracks have darkness in them." <br />I told hm to laugh all he wanted....we'll see who's laughing when the antichrist himSLEF steps out of this plaster and fucking KNIOFES YOU IN THE PENIS.<br /><br />But when I reached inside the crack.... my fuckcing hand got STUCK between some pipes ior something..and I had to wait like 4 !!!!!hours for the paramedics to show up.<br />Tony told everyone I was in the bathroom with my hand stuck in my c rack.<br /><br />ANNND he STiLL let the customers use the RESTROOOOM! BUT ITS ONLY ONE ROOM! ONE ROOM WITH ATOILET AND A MIRROR!<br /><br />X: (<br />When OUr reginoal manager Chrisinda got there, she said the crack was probabbly a busted water pipe. And TONY SAID IT WAS BECAUSE I am LACTOSE INTOLERANT..AND I WOuLD HAVE TO PAY FOR IT. <br /> FUCK YOU TONY. and i'll tlel you this. I was int here for 5.hours. and i am NOT the only lactose intolerant customer.<br /><br />-Lord Malacahi<br />the crippled FeyTodd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-15602721731762335962010-09-17T15:13:00.001-07:002010-09-17T15:13:48.593-07:00RIP Goth-A-DoodleSad greetings from the womb of darkness (my dad;s old blackberry)<br />It seems that my familiar<br />a MIDNIGHT black Rooster I named Goth-A-Doodle<br />has died<br />while iw as painting him<br />in my garage<br /><br />Me and the ghosts of this suburb held a funeral in my front yard<br />I think he would have wanted ti that way<br />but my fdad got mad----made me UNBURY him, and rebury him in the backyard<br />RP Goth-A-Doodle, the crooked crow of the mourning.<br /><br />Here is an excerpt from the elogy:<br /><br /><br />Sad condolences, my feathered specter of despair<br />the crow born a rooster<br />Goth-a-doodle<br />buried there<br /><br />{and then I pointed to the ground at this part}<br /><br />There among the daffodilss<br />Wisonsin fields of pain<br />black clad specter<br />choked to death<br />on Behr brand black paint.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-32571920863524492392009-11-18T09:35:00.000-08:002009-11-18T11:19:12.185-08:00Google CurseWeLcoMe!<br /><br />Masses of the Dark Host, fellow faerie kings and Wisconsin fiends.<br />it is I, Lord Malachai; Pagan witch of Odin,<br />and part time Starbucks barista.<br /><br />I just logged on to find out that, APPARENTLY, for the last YEAR and a HALF my daily posts about Starbucks, life, and he who is Satan, have not been posting.<br /><br />I did NOT KNWO THIS! I've been posting from my Dad's Blackberry, since I inadvertently Cast a WRETHCVED curse on his mac book pro, after trying to photoshop a custom avatar of myself, covered in crows.<br /><br /><br />WELl, it looks like I've literally been texting blog posts into thin fucking air. So for the RECORD, I still work at Starbucks, I live with my Dad, and I will now be posting from my own t-MOBILE SIDEKICK!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />-The Scare K. Row of the night<br />-and day.<br />Lord MAlachaiTodd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-73328468276211222542008-12-18T09:25:00.000-08:002008-12-18T09:31:17.956-08:00Grey Skies of WisconsinI was having a really rough day mixing people's drinks and then Tony came in and was like "what the hell is going on?"<br />and i said "nothing" <br />and then he said "are you wearign makeup?1" <br />and I saidd no! <br /> <br />and he was like it looks like eyeliner<br /> <br />and i said they are shadows of sadness <br />and someone said, yea it looks like you've been crying a lot.<br /><br />So I tooka freak break to go in the bathroom and just "witch out" for a few minutes.<br /><br />and when I came back out everyone was staring.<br /><br /> <br />...the black tears of loriel doth fall unlightly.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-66741224685268109772008-12-18T09:07:00.000-08:002008-12-18T09:24:04.273-08:00Cackle MawToday when I was worshipping the dark ones I dropped a whole plate of scones on the floor.<br /><br />The whole store started laughing and clapping and i didn't know what else to do so I started SCREAMING AT THEM in my WITCH voice...but that voice is RAELLY hard to do and it makes my throat dry and I choked and then everyone LAUGHED EVEN HARDER!! :(<br /><br />Tony told me to go take a a freak break, which at first I thought meant freak out but he said that's not how he meant it.<br /><br />I told everyone they wouldn't be applauding when THE SHADOWS CAME TO FEAST but that made them start laughign all over again.<br /><br />Tehn Tonymade me go int he back room so I used the creamer to pour a sigil of dark feasting on the floor, But I think I accidently poured the sigil of slipping because stupid AMY walked in and slipped and got REALLY hurt.<br /><br />Tony said I can't tell ANYONE it was me or we'll be sued.<br /><br /><br />-The Slip Lord.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-25660662146134743772008-12-09T07:21:00.001-08:002008-12-09T07:35:58.043-08:00Glyph CackleToday, Jeff brought in salt water taffy for everyone to share, and Carol, who is on weight watchers but STILL ate the only coconut flavor, called him the devil.<br /><br />Really Carol? Jeff is the devil? JEFF?!<br /><br />Not I? The pagan witch?<br /><br />the one who spends his cigarrette breaks worshipping a fell beast of Odin?!<br /><br />the one who curses customers by writing magical glyphs on the bottoms of seasonal venti cups?!<br /><br />the one who clogged the toilet? accidentally?! And we had to close down the store for a full TWO hours?!<br /><br />OBVIOUSLY CAROL, You have no IDEA who the devil is.<br /><br />(No one knows, really. Some say he's a greek god, or jesus's brother. I dont' really know.)<br /><br />Carol, if there's any DARK betrickery to be done, then rest assured, it is I that will be doing it. Tomorrrow, I shall bring free candy to work, then WE'LL SEE WHO IS THE FELL GOD OF DARKNESS.<br /><br />-Lord of devils<br /><br />EDIT: Carol called me an angel. My dark rage burns and musters like a forgotten pot of Christmas Blend coffee.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-10355601563745794022008-12-05T14:24:00.000-08:002020-07-09T23:49:22.847-07:00Haunt WhistleWelcome, BLACK CrEaTuRES of the night.<br />
<br />
...to the internet. <br />
<br />
Specifically, to my blog. the black catacomb of blogpspot:<br />
PaGaN BaRiStA.<br />
<br />
A lot of people don't realize that as a witch/barista/comic book artist and official lord of all Wisconsin fairy folk, I actually tend to prefer sleeping upside down, Hanging from my door at my Mom's house. I found the actual vampire harness online, though I would be careful googling that actual phrase, as I'm still not allowed to use the free internet at the library anymore, do to state law and bigotry. Lesson learned. Listen up fellow worshippers of the beast. This world isn't ready for the lords of shadow to walk freely, be careful who kows who youa re, and what you do.<br />
<br />
A second lesson, given freely from my book of darkness: If you've been hanging upside down all ngiht,do NOT eat a cardboard bowl of perfect oatmeal with a pumpkinspice latte first thing in the morning. As your STUPID ass boss TONY will senf you home and tell you to wash your own apron.<br />
<br />
I DON'T AHVE MONEY TO WASH MY OWN APRON TONY. i'M A NOT A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR COFFEE FRANCHISE I'M A WITCH!!! <br />
<br />
but I have a million shadows. and a million blakc nghtmares, which will spew forth form my mom's house THIS evening and haunt you until you DIE.<br />
<br />
-tHE Blood Lord.<br />
<br />
<br />
PS when I wrote black nightmares I wasn't rying to be racist.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-76758027282097461852008-12-01T13:33:00.000-08:002020-07-09T23:52:59.259-07:00Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Today was hard.<br />
<br />
The day before I had spent my WHOLE lunch writing the word "Witch" across the front of mine apron.<br />
<br />
BUT TODAY!!! WHEN I STARTED MY SHIFTsomeone had marked out "WITCH" and written BITCH.<br />
<br />
I told my boss,Tony, and he was all like "you STILL have to wear it"<br />
and he made me scrub the bathrooms.<br />
<br />
We had to stay til like 3:30 to put up fucking Christianmas decorations and I had already had a TERRIBLE day so finally at like midnight I told Tony I had to leave,<br />
and he was like "why?"<br />
<br />
and I said, "because, it's the witching hour"<br />
<br />
and he fucking made me clean the bathrooms. AGAIN! IALREWADY CLENAD THEM<br />
1!!<br />
<br />
Tony, if I could bend the trees to my will, I would have them come down upon you like woodland heathens,<br />
with branches ripping your face off as you scream.<br />
<br />
But I would have to wait, until you transfered to another Starbucks, because ours doesn't have trees.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-62333142029223100942008-11-20T08:03:00.000-08:002008-11-20T08:12:11.396-08:00Knave TumblerApparently it's "against starbucks coroporate policy" to bring your sword to work with you.<br /><br />But it was Saturday, and I wasn't about to leave <em>The Bastard of Icefell</em> just sitting out in the car.<br /><br />Apparently my boss, Tony, doesn't think Starbucks is a "land of magical myth" Oh yea, tony?! What is the starbucks logo?! That's right its a fucking mermaid<br />So suck my dick!<br />Would that i could cleave the seahag in half....<br /><br />In other news, I didn't want to give in, but the new Perfect Oatmeal is probably my favorite things in the world right now.<br /><br />-The Emperor of DarknessTodd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-49642092137946512862008-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:002020-07-09T23:54:15.088-07:00The Taste of Bitter Roots (poetry)----------------------<br />
August Wings of Glass<br />
----------------------<br />
<br />
<em>Will you hold this brokenchild?<br />he's been poor for quite awhile<br /><br />legs and skin soft and white<br />crying softly through the night<br /><br />upon his seat of rusted cream<br />the king of darkness does doth dream<br /><br />and as he sits and waits in thought<br />all below shall start to rot</em><br />
<br />
<br />
EDIT: The line "upon his seat of rusted cream" is not, JfAlcon25, about my butt. it's about my throne.<br />
<br />
EDIT: Apparently, JfAlcon25, you think it's funny to leave berating comments on my blog post. Well guess what? I'm not going to delete your commetns, and I'm not gogin to disabel commetning. It's poetry. If you don't LIKE it then go ahead and say so, no one cares. It's obvious your an idiot. And you don't GET poetry. And when I said THRONE I didn't mean a TOILET, you cockassed piece of shit.<br />
<br />
EDIT: Due to the horrors of JfAlcon25 and his PHOTOSHOPPED "shit kingdom" picture, I'm disabling and removing all comments.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-49393808352598695302008-11-17T07:12:00.001-08:002008-12-02T11:47:44.416-08:00SighI had that dream again last night...<br /><br /><br /><br />..the one about the wolf.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-31894346459610101992008-11-13T12:29:00.001-08:002008-11-13T12:30:06.353-08:00Updatual GreetingsI wish there were a way to write my thoughts in blood. upon pages of stretched skin. <br /><br />But then, I suppose then I would have to scan them. <br /><br />And I don't own a scanner yet.<br /><br />curse the lord and all his children.Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5362771144914615179.post-851158352891653792008-10-29T08:18:00.000-07:002008-10-29T08:31:12.256-07:00Cry of The Goat ChildWelcome weary friend, shadow traveller, hollow hearts.<br /><br />Here you've stumbled upon the high towers of my castle. <br />My name is Lord Malachai, pagan whisperer.<br /><br />and part time barista.<br /><br />This is my blog.<br /><br />I am a scholar, a worshipper, a seeker and a seer. <br />At night I pour over books and tarot, divining my fortunes.<br />A dark god whispers in mine ear, and I know of things ill begotten.<br /><br />I also work at Starbucks.<br /><br />(PS, Pumpkin Spice latte is back, people!)<br /><br />Here is my thoughts, my soul, my poetry, laid bare. Careful where you walk, these halls are full of danger and despair.<br /><br />-Lord Malachai<br /><br />(Pumpkin God)Todd Michael Rogershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15590120134016200055noreply@blogger.com0